Last May I broke up with my latest long-term boyfriend and joined the single world again. Since that break-up period I've dated some and I'm trying to learn something from the joy of dating because I sincerely hate it. It's an emotional roller coaster and most of it is a waste of time and most of the people I meet that I like end up not liking me and vice versa. It's hard and horrible. But we should get some enjoyment out of it so I'm going to chronicle my sad stories for all of our enjoyment.
Shall I start backwards or forwards?
Let's start with today. Today I went on a date with a guy named Jason. I met him on match.com. I just joined the paying subscriber ranks yesterday and already am lining up nearly 4 dates. Irony strikes this unborn relationship with Jason. First of all, back in Jan or Feb when I was spending a lonely weekend night drinking wine and browsing myspace I sent a msg to this same Jason fellow. At the time my photos were somewhat sparse and not as flattering since I weighed a good 10 lbs more and had no friends in any photo. My msg was very short, "I like your photos" His response back was somewhat jerky with something to the tune of "I've looked at your profile and although I don't see anything that turns me off I am not certain I feel an attraction back. Perhaps you should put up more photos" I replied back with a "I wasn't saying I was attracted to you, I was saying I liked your photos, particularly the waterfall and green ones." That was the extent of our communication 6 months ago.
Yesterday as my first paying day of match.com I was excited to receive my first 2 msgs from potential suitors. One of which was from this same Jerky Jason. I thought it must be fate. We exchange a few emails, he flirts a little, gets a bit too sexually interested but I think to myself, Hey maybe it's meant to be, so I let it go. He's in the PhD program at ASU for philosophy and is 31. He's dog sitting (or as he calls it repeatedly doggie-sitting) for a former professor of his back in Glendale and will be somewhat near my side of town tonight he says. So we agree to meet at a Borders in Paradise Valley. Before this first meeting I know that he smokes weed, he doesn't know the proper verb tense of write and he seems very slow. But his photos are promising and he has the ability to write complete sentences.
He calls me around 6 to inform me he can meet earlier than 8. His voicemail message is seemingly 20 minutes long and he repeats himself repeatedly. I find myself annoyed by the slowness to the message. I call him back and we have an awkward chat about meeting. On my drive to Borders there is a beautiful thick rainbow, again I wonder if there is a greater message behind this.
At Borders I pay my 4.50 for a vanilla latte, a complete rip-off, but I don't care cuz I make a decent dollar. Jason quickly arrives and we get to talking. I learn that he really has not done much with his life. He's very much into getting "funded" and doing as little work as possible. He's not even sure of the MA requirements to graduate and doesn't seem to perplexed by the idea he may not graduate after so many years of school. He talks and talks and talks about differences between two 101 level courses. I notice as he's talking that his fingernails, every last one of them, are abnormally long and he mentions those nails several times in the evening. I'm slightly grossed out by long nails on guys, gives me the heebie jeebies.
He cannot follow the conversation very well. He's probably somewhat stoned. He doesn't know that an Australian Shep. is a Shepherd. He doesn't know what a Blackberry is. He doesn't understand how big business works in terms of hiring people who will impact the bottom line. He doesn't have a clue what he wants to do if he graduates. I stress IF.
After a little while he suggests we go to dinner. We start to head across the street to Coco's when he sees a Souper Salad, which is his favorite restaurant. He pays on his credit card, I give him $7. I've never been to a Souper Salad before but it's basically a salad bar. He grabs 2 plates and fills both about 4 feet high with nearly every item on the salad bar and then he tops each plate with a piece of cheese pizza. He doesn't really eat beef he says and tries to be healthy by eating salads. I am astounded by the amount of food he has and wonder how much he'll finish.
Over his salad greens, I learn he's never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. He doesn't see himself being monogamous. He has had a series of roommates and it doesn't sound like he lives in a very organized or even semi-tidy manner. I can only think about his dirty long fingernails tapping against computer keys in a sparse room with dirty laundry, dishes, and bongs laying in every crevice of the musty college apartment. As I think of this he's shoveling food in his mouth with no regard to the fact that he's talking. He holds the fork like a baby whose fat fingers have to clench the utensil in order to have enough control to get the food near its mouth, and chunks of salad and pasta fall to the sides of the red plastic buffet tray. He doesn't touch his water.
He tells me of his worst date--an online date who arrived at his house. Upon first glance he knew there was no connection because she was butt ugly compared to her photo. They rode together to a free movie showing of The Astronaut Farmer with Billy Bob Thorton. The movie was delayed by technical difficulty as often free movie showings are. And they were stuck in traffic on the way home. He wanted nothing more than to be free of her.
Finally, it's after 9 and the Souper Salad bus people are trying to scoot us out the doors. Jason gets some ice cream and a box to take his last 2 feet of greens home. When we leave he seems to think he's Mr. Suave. He goes in for a kiss and I give him just a peck. He draws me closer as if there is some lasting connection. One more peck. Finally it's over and I can get into my car and drive away. I'm chipper as I say across the parking lot "it was nice to meet you."
I think of Marc on my way home. The one guy I've had a connection with but does not want an exclusive relationship.
While I was on the date my ex-boyfriend Mark texted me. I call him back on my drive home to learn that he's going to be a daddy. His girlfriend of 2 months is pregnant.
I get home to see that Jason has already left a msg for me asking if I want to see him again. Gross.
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